well, hello there. 1st up, sorry for not blogging. been really fucking busy. actually not busy but was away to Malaysia. My aunt gave birth to a healthy daughter. congratz! her name is Nur Qistina Zahra. how hot is that...anyway, was really great as my cousin finally has a driving license so can go out to anywhere. so we went out to eat, sheesa and just chill till late night. oh boy it was memorable. so yeah, while people are busting their ass at home revising for the MT paper on monday, i was out enjoyin life.

then came Monday. I was down with fever, a blocked nose and feeling damn heaty. Kept coughing throughout the whole paper. It was easier than expected! been doing so much hard papers that the O' level is just like that. then after the paper, went jamming with the whole band (finally). work on 155. still got loads to work on but we're getting there.

well, this may be the last time I'm blogging cause my parents know bout the results. so they gonna cut off the computer. how freaking saddening is that...with a L1R5 of 47, where can I go? I will definetely buck up.

had an arguement with my parents. I finally let it all out. they kept arrowing at me for my bad results. I am who I am. The bad and good things I did made me who I am today. I know about how the future will changed with my decision. So I know what I'm doing but you're not letting me doing it...

Labels: love

finally end the torturous 4 days of malay intensive program. onwards to O' level on monday. tomorrow finally going jamming with my band for the first time. hopefully can get ready before the auditions on wednesday. and shit, out of all the times to be sick, it has to be now.


"I know we can't be more than friends. I had accepted that fact. but you kept wondering inside my head! please get outta of there. please, you're killing me..."

well, sorry for recent post. it was a sudden burst of uncontrollable feelings. I just felt like letting it all out...well, I'm much better now. got those feelings under control now. so yea, we're close friends. =)

went out with furqan, suffian, luthfi, rafiq and solihin to town today. simply awesome.

Labels: smile

i'm currently writing here to express my deepest feeelings. we started out as friends. joking and laughing together. who would knew I will fall in love with you? so when I know that she still like me, I began to laugh it off because i thought it was impossible to fall in love with her. soon, the impossible happen. she lent me her psp. even though it's just a psp, I felt it was like she lending herself too me. I took care of it with all my heart. so from then on, the feelings started to bloom inside me. before I realize it, i was in love with her. She really took me away with her smile and her beautiful face. how could be so blind that there was actually a beautiful girl like her so close to me. i'm sucha ass. I don't care about the whole world when I'm with her. my love with her was very strong as if i felt she was the right one. she's not a 'minah'. just a sweet girl next door. i swore to her that I'll stop smoking as a dedication for my love for her. finally, I found a reason to live my life happily...

i told her i like her even though i have way more things to express my love for her. ask her to go steady with me. she said,"give me time." i gave her time. mayb too lil time. i spent a whole week trying to get close with her. making her a birthday card for her bday was on the 15 of may. she never seem serious with me and always left me behind. that's where I thought, "please don't let it be that she doesn't like me." sorry, it wasn't even a thought. it was a cried. a plea. then came 15 of may which is today. walk with her to send her to the mrt. gave her the present and i thought she may like me. leaving her happily and me happily. text her later to give me a yes or no.



then, when i reached home. decided to chill and go online. she was online. she told me the most heartbreaking truth I ever come across in my life. "about the yes or no, i like you as a friend. but i cannot like get it work out. i think we should be just close friends..." my heart just sank....so deep that all i could say is "oh ok. understanded. =)". it was a smile of deep sadness. after that, immedietly took my mp3 and lie on the bed. covering my face with a pillow. listening the saddest song and crying. yes, I was crying. i never cried for somethin so real before. it was the 1st time i cried with all my heart out...tear drops just kept rolling. i couldn't control it. it really hurts me more than you know it because I never fell in love so deep with a girl. the high hopes and plans I have after we go steady, just collapse.



WHAT HAVE I DONE ANYTHING WRONG TO YOU? I KNOW I PIERCE BUT I CAN GET REMOVE IF YOU WANT. I KNOW I SMOKE BEFORE BUT I HAVE NOT GOTTEN A PUFF SINCE THE DAY MY FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU CHANGED. IF YOU HAVE GONE STEADY WITH ME, I'LL BECOME THE MOST HAPPIEST MAN IN THE WORLD AND I PROMISE TO TREAT YOU WITH EVERY CARE AND CONCERN. I PROMISE TO BECOME THE BEST BOYFRIEND YOU EVER HAD. I PROMISE TO BE BETTER THAN THOSE EX YOU HAD. I PROMISE THAT YOU WILL BE THE CORE OF MY LIFE. WIHOUT YOU, I WILL SIMPLY DIE. DID YOU KNOW THAT I FELT LIKE DYING WHEN YOU TOLD ME THE TRUTH? TELL ME WHAT DO I HAVE TO CHANGE. I'LL PROMISE I'LL CHANGE FOR YOU. WHETHER MY BEHAVIOUR OR ATTITUDE OR ANYTHING.



let just summarize this: I really love you XoXo...i really do.

Labels: heartbroken.